i write this while laughing, which is good.
we all need someone we can lean on in life.
i was trying to find writing inspiration this morning and one of my besties reached out to catch up via text message. we started to talk about situational relationships, close-knit friendships that exist mostly through digital connectivity, and how to help those around you raise their vibrations without grabbing them by the face and yelling BE HAPPY directly into their noses. (haha – gross exaggeration, but you feel me). let’s explore these topics a little bit more – my homegirl stopped texting me so she could go shovel snow, lol.
SITUATIONAL RELATIONSHIPS & FINDING COMFORT
we all have situational relationships. most of them exist at work, at the gym, or on the internet. i’m not talking about the style of “situationship” when you’re like, kinda dating someone but not officially – nah bruh, different post, different day. i’m speaking on the people that we come into contact every day with which we have connections, conversation, and ongoing story lines that exist outside of the rest of our lives.
you know what i mean? the co-workers who are your tribe and who you truly love, but who only exist for you during the hours of 8 – 5, monday through friday. the homegirl at yoga that you vibe out with over green juice twice a week (or whatever people do after yoga). your favorite bartender who you tell all your semi-secrets to because (s)he doesn’t exist in your actual life. that’s who i’m referencing here.
situational relationships are fairly healthy because they provide space for you to emotionally unpack in small doses and feel safe as you navigate familiar spaces in your daily life. they create a series of ‘home bases’ so that you never feel too far away from something that provides comfort. this is good, because it allows you to grow your capacity for interaction with others and flexes your ability to trust. but, beware. they can also breed energy that becomes a little too comfortable, and could potentially throw off the balance of the rest of your life. (don’t be that girl / guy)
ultimately, we all just want to feel human and comfortable and valuable and seen. right?! not rocket science. in order to do that, we have to establish a few really solid connections that make us feel whole.
FRIENDS = COMFORT.
and, we need SELF ACCEPTANCE to find COMFORT. we need to be able to look in the mirror, see what we’re working with, think about our story and the things we cannot change, and keep it moving. not easy, but it is reality.
this may be a little left field for some, but think about how agonizing it is to watch someone who can’t walk in heels. LOL. it is gruesome! that is how it looks to the outside world when someone is visibly unable to embrace SELF ACCEPTANCE. it is obvious they are trying, but it just ain’t working out!
SELF ACCEPTANCE = COMFORT
don’t get me wrong, finding COMFORT in yourself is a multi-phased process and it is not in any way easy. but, it is absolutely worth it.
Where do you find COMFORT?
My dog. My couch. My “me” time.
The sun. I like to know what to expect next. Every night I look for the moon Every morning I look for the sun. They have never failed me.
I find comfort in a clean, candle lit house, with Sade playing in the background and having a moment to myself to just breathe. Which is hard to do when you have three kids and a demanding life.
being loved, a good conversation, food, meditation/prayer, sex, alcohol, exercise, learning, reading and sometimes sleep.
Home. Sage. Music. Hugs. Laughter. Experiences.
music, family, hot showers, dessert
weed and my significant other
our need to find and feel COMFORT comes from feeling like we need someone / something to lean on. WE NEED A WAY TO COPE with the things life throws at us.
WE NEED SOMETHING WE CAN TRUST TO BE THERE for us.
when we can’t find comfort it totally throws us out of whack, and then…you know what happens next, WE FREAK OUT.
we all do it. and it IS going to happen sometimes.
When I freak out, I…
When I am freaking out I allow myself to freak out, we are human after all and all our emotions count and mold us into who we are. After said freak out session however I collect myself, collect my thoughts, and give myself a pep talk and create a plan to deal with whatever it is that is freaking me out. Affirmations help too. “I am resilient, I am smart, I am beautiful.” and “Stop tripping heaux.”
make music, listen to podcasts, take a shower, change environments or put myself in the position to help others.
Breathe and Pray. I also vent to my friends who keep a great ear
Compulsively clean. Binge eat. Drop $$$ at Target. Cry. Smoke a bowl. Smoke another bowl. Realize I should have just gone for a jog. Yoga. I mean try to yoga. I feel to heavy to even Adho mukha śvānāsana so I just savasana. Thinking about Khloe Ks 2015 Complex Mag cover until I sink into the depths of the earth. Regret the binge. Juice cleanse. Call my mom and proceed to emotional dump on her. What? She does it to me! Aaaah, the guilt. 3 Advil. Smoke a bowl. Incense. Music. Meditate. Visualize. Paint. Sweet relief. Sage the shit out my house. Fuck you uterus.
Usually scream or cry. Sometimes throw things.
talk to God and to my close few… while biting my nails.
so how do we clean up the mess after we have completely freaked out? do we turn to our “situationships” to help bail us out emotionally? do we text our bestie who lives 3000 miles away in hopes that they can ’emoticon’ your emotions back to normal and tell you you’re not crazy? or do we trust our gut, pull it together, and keep living life?! (let’s go with the last one, or at least a combination that heavily includes the last one.)
ok so say YOU’VE got it all together, how do you help the people around you avoid a total meltdown?
PROTECT YOUR VIBE before helping anyone else.
DON’T GET SUCKED IN to someone who thrives on negativity.
KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT HELP EVERYONE. So don’t even try.
RECOGNIZE WHEN IT IS BEYOND YOUR ABILITY TO HELP.
KEEP VULTURES OUT OF YOUR LIFE.
I avoid people who are…
Complainers, pretentious and non-contributing.
Republican, overly negative, drug users
I avoid people who are negative and don’t positively impact my life. I don’t need you to necessarily add to my life, just don’t take from it. I’m quick to cut a n-word off so don’t get comfortable.
selfish, disloyal, non-communicative, always negative, bigots or just not good for my energy.
Not willing to take responsibility for their own actions
Negative, over emotional, non-motivated and not looking to ever better themselves
this week i felt like…
wooosaaaa x 1000! since we never know what the day or the week with throw at us, it is super important that we set ourselves up to:
1) have someone to lean on
2) be open to others needing to lean on you from time-to-time.
Protect your vibe. Protect your heart, but keep it open. Trust yourself and the ones who love you. Seek comfort in healthy ways and cling to it, yet still be ready to jump out of your comfort zone at any moment. and when you need to freak out, know that you will find your way back to being okay. you will be [more than] okay. you’ve got this.
so, in summary, if you just kinda assume one of these vibes, you should pretty much be ok in all situations (i just made these up, btw):
The “OPEN ENERGY HOLISTIC ILL-ALWAYS-TEXT-YOU-RIGHT-BACK WARRIOR” VIBE
The “YEAH, I JUST FREAKED OUT. BUT IM COOL NOW” VIBE
The “TRUST ME, EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT IF WE JUST BAND TOGETHER” VIBE
(i still dont like the “somebody to lean on” song or this weird possibly appropriating video, but it makes sense within the context of this post)
i will always end our #powerpact sessions by saying that i see you, i love you, and i am on your side. let’s grow.
Comment below to add to this flow of thought.
catch me on the ‘gram if you want at @THEPOWERPACT